As you may already know, I had a baby ““ a daughter named Layla Sorella Valenti-Golis. That’s the good (nay, wonderful!) news. The bad news is that she was born way too early; I developed severe pre-eclampsia and HELLP syndrome and had to deliver Layla when I was 29 weeks pregnant.
I was hospitalized after a routine exam showed I had dangerously high blood pressure ““ Andrew and I assumed it was all an overreaction because I didn’t feel sick. Even though the doctors were telling us I wouldn’t leave the hospital until I gave birth and that I might need to deliver in days, we didn’t really buy it. We even pooh-poohed the neonatologist who spoke with us about what we should expect having such a premature baby. We planned as if I would carry Layla to term, bringing DVDs and books to the hospital and starting to create a schedule of visits from family and friends.
But within two days it became clear that I was sick ““ really sick. All of the pre-eclamptic symptoms I hadn’t had previously were suddenly overwhelming. My doctor told us we had to deliver. So I was given magnesium sulfate for my blood pressure (which basically makes you feel incredibly shitty and confused) and my labor was induced with Pitocin. We tried to stay positive, but after a few hours we were told that my liver was in danger of failing. I was rushed into an emergency c-section, and Layla was born weighing just 2 pounds, 2 ounces.
The next 24 hours were as close to hell as I could imagine. We waited hours to find out if Layla was going to be okay, and even once we knew she was stable I was too sick to visit her. The magnesium drip made me so confused that I kept asking Andrew what our daughter’s name was, I could hardly move because of the pain, and I was swollen with almost twenty pounds of water weight. The swelling was so bad, in fact, that when a nurse tried to take blood her finger left an indent in my arm more than an inch deep. It took hours and two anesthesiologists to find a vein. I thought I was going to die; then almost 24 hours after delivering when I saw how little Layla was, I thought she was going to die too.
Eight weeks later, amazingly, the fog is starting to lift. The road has been a slow one littered with setbacks, but today Layla is doing incredibly well; she weighs over 4 pounds and we’re hoping she’ll be home from the hospital soon.
It’s difficult to write about what happened ““ the severity of my sickness, what Andrew and I have been through, and what Layla is going through now. I want to protect my family’s privacy (which is why I’m not writing about the details surrounding Layla’s health), but it also feels strange not to write about something so life changing. Because truly, I am not the same person that I was before Layla was born. Not because I’m a parent ““ though I’m sure that’s part of it ““ but I think there’s something about trauma that just shifts your consciousness. It honestly feels like Andrew and I are operating in a different reality.
I haven’t really been able to articulate how I feel about all of this, but I read this article in The New York Times about emergency response ““ “On Not Returning to Normal” ““ and it resonated:
“Resilience” suggests that the preferred aftermath of an emergency is quickly regaining one’s former shape, bouncing back. Presumably it is possible to bounce back with a few permanent bumps or scars, but at the limit we might speak of an invisible mending ideal of emergency response: when the response is genuinely successful, the effects of the emergency entirely disappear: before and after are indistinguishable.
“¦ A determination to go on exactly as before “”just to spite an enemy or attacker or simply a critic “” is a recognizable human response to attack, enmity or criticism. Perhaps it also displays a kind of resilience. But unless continuity has a significant value of its own, the determination to go on exactly as before may have little to be said for it. Emergencies may better be seen as occasions for fresh starts and rethinking. Because they take life and make death vivid for those who survive emergencies, they properly prompt people to appraise lives that are nearly cut short.
It took a while to realize that my family and I will never really be the same again ““ and that that’s okay. I experienced something terrible, but I also got to experience some amazing things as a result.
Andrew and I received an incredible outpouring of love from family and friends who sent flowers, cards, brownies and knitted hats. They offered to drive us to the hospital, walk our dog, clean our house, and make us food. Knowing we have that kind of love in our life is a tremendous gift.
I got to be on the receiving end of incredible caretaking by the most amazing nurses I could imagine (talk about an underappreciated profession). I experienced the selflessness of my family ““ my husband and mother, especially ““ as they slept on hospital floors, fearlessly advocated for me with medical staff, brought me news of Layla and stayed by my side. Our relationships have deepened and I have a new appreciation for community and family.
Though I’m still mourning for a pregnancy cut short and longing for a birth experience that isn’t mired in urgency and fear, I learned to be humble about having good health. And while it breaks my heart to see Layla in the hospital, as she grows up Andrew and I will be able to tell her how strong she was despite her small size and early age.
This isn’t to say there’s a silver lining to all we’ve been through ““ life isn’t that fair. Layla had to experience suffering before she could even be held or comforted. I’ll never be able to have a natural birth, and given the increased risk that I could develop pre-eclampsia and/or HELLP again, it’s likely I won’t have any more children.
But that’s just our new normal. And we’re lucky enough that this new normal includes a healthy mom and baby ““ we had access to wonderful maternal and neonatal care and to great health insurance that paid for it. Many others aren’t so lucky. One thousand women die every day from pregnancy-related issues; one of the four major causes is hypertensive disorders like pre-eclampsia. Going through this at a top-notch hospital was a nightmare – I can’t even imagine what it’s like for women who don’t have access to adequate care. So if you would like to do something nice for me and Layla – please consider donating money or taking action at Women Deliver or another organization that fights for maternal health. I know I’ll never look at the issue the same way again, and fighting for it will definitely be part of my new, different-but-wonderful, normal.
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89 Comments
You are an inspiration. Thank you for sharing your story.
Your story is very moving. While each case is different, I too am the parent of a child born in his 29th week. He spent about 8 weeks in the NICU, and and was on Oxygen for his first 18 months. My wife and I basically quit our jobs and stayed awake with him 24/7 that first year and a half. It can be extremely frustrating and utterly exhausting, but also extremely rewarding. The bond you will have with your child far exceeds what parents of “normal” children ever have and, statistically, preemies are actually more likely to be extremely intelligent (seems to have something to do with the amount of adult interaction they get in the first two years). I am sure Layla will be a joy to your life and deal with the challenges she encounters.
For what its worth, my boy is/was a bit of a whiz kid who is about to graduate from a major research university at 21. The challenges now are just the ones you would expect from any smart ass his age.
Hang in there – you will have challenges but you will handle all of them.
Love your blog and other writing, by the way.
Wow. I’m totally overwhelmed by the number of comments and emails I’ve gotten about this piece. Thank you so much for the kind words and support – and thank you for sharing your stories! Totally amazing.
Jessica your story almost mirrors mine…6 month check up, dangerous BP, felt fine, delivered emergency c sect…days later, class I HELLP…etc. My daughter was born at 27 weeks (2lbs, 1oz) and is a healthy normal soon-to-be 6 year old today! I too am only alive because I was at a high level trauma center. If you have not already checked out this organization, it is worth a look. http://www.preeclampsia.org
You will make it through the NICU ups and downs, hang in there!!!
BTW: also, my husband’s name is Andrew:) It was like I was reading my story all over again!
Stories like this remind me of why I am proud every day of being a woman. After my own harrowing encounter with preterm labor, mag sulfate, extended hospitalization, and then the completely overwhelming task of caring for newborn twins with health issues, I felt an incredible bond of sisterhood with all women who have ever been. Just walking down the street and seeing women of all ages, knowing that although they are going about their lives like anyone else, so many have overcome experiences of trial and trauma, reminded me of how strong we are. Life isn’t always “normal,” but we do survive, and it will surprise you how many out there have been down those roads. At those 3am feedings I though about how uncountably many mothers in Afghanistan, Australia, Africa and Austria, from prehistoric times to now, had experience this same moment of gazing down at a tiny baby in the wee hours of the morning. Such a connection reminds us why mothers must not allow sons to be sent to kill other mothers’ sons, why mothers must not stop trying to help other mothers feed their children. In being a woman, there is a power of global one-ness.
I’m so impressed by your story! Your bravery is a huge inspiration to all women who go through difficult pregnancies, and I wholeheartedly salute your courage, strength, and of course your excellent writing skills and honesty.
I only have one small quibble with your piece, and it is admittedly a small one: while you do state that your risks for pre-eclampsia make it unlikely that you’ll have a “natural” birth, you also state that “it’s unlikely i’ll have any more children.”
If you choose to have more children, there is another route available to you that doesn’t include “natural” birth: adoption. I’d like to point out that for women like yourself, who are at risk when it comes to pregnancy and parturition, can still have children through adoption. There are thousands of babies all over the world that are healthy and only lack safe, loving homes and parents – they don’t care if a mother is “natural” or not, only that she will protect, love, and care for them.
Again, please don’t take this as a criticism; I am in awe of the strength of mothers who go through such trials and come out with courage and the strength to share their stories. I encourage you, if you decide to enlarge your family with your husband, to please consider adoption.
Jessica,
I am so sorry your birth experience was so scary, traumatic and painful. Your strength in the face of such adversity, and willingness to acknowledge how it changed you is truly an inspiration.
Thank you for posting this. As somebody who works with pregnant, birthing and postpartum women (I’m a labor and delivery nurse going to grad school for nurse midwifery), this gave me a little more insight into what my patients with complicated pregnancies experience, which can only enhance my practice. Also, thank you for the compliment to our profession; it’s nice to hear.
Since I’ve heard about Layla’s birth I’ve been sending positive thoughts. I’m a longtime fan of your work. I’m glad to hear you are both recovering well, and I will continue to keep you both in my thoughts.
Our experience was not nearly as harrowing, and our baby was determined to be well a few hours after his birth, but I can identify with how trauma “shifts your consciousness,” as you put it so well.
My labour with our second baby was going well when suddenly all hell broke loose in the delivery room (in an impressively controlled manner, that is). Our son’s shoulders were too big for my pelvis, and after his head crowned he got stuck and moved back in the birth canal, the cord compressed to his chest. Thanks to the quick and professional reaction of an incredible medical team – who seemed to appear out of nowhere – Adam was saved, although he didn’t breathe for the longest moments of my life. Our OB told us shortly afterward that it was one of the worst cases of shoulder dystocia she’d witnessed, that “babies are lost to this every day, and you’re very lucky.”
I appreciated how lucky we were. And, amazingly, Adam had no damage besides a badly bruised shoulder and a short-term need for physiotherapy. But the emergency came out of nowhere, and, because he and I came through it, everyone proceeded to act as if it had never happened. Even I didn’t realize until a few weeks later, when I was telling a dear friend this story, why it was that I cried sometimes when I was alone.
Jess- there is a whole lot of love being sent to you. After a traumatic birth and a first year where every single day was spent at the hospital my mother was told that she would know when I went to school just how severe my developmental delays would be. A month into pre-K they told her I needed to move into the first grade. After knowing how sick I was as a child it reminds me as an adult how differently things could have turned out if my country didn’t have universal health-care- it is why I am proud to be an advocate on these issues today.
@Thoughtful Thanks for the good thoughts! My comment about having a natural birth wasn’t actually related to pre-eclampsia; I meant that I can’t have a vaginal birth because my c-section was a bit more severe than others. And when I said it’s unlikely that I’ll have more children, I meant give birth to more children. Should have been clearer.
I’m sorry you had such a traumatic time. It sounds like Layla is brave and strong already, like her mother. Best wishes to all of you.
Thank you for writing about your experience; the experiences of your family. I absolutely respect your privacy, but after reading Feministing, for a number of years and meeting you at a few events, you don’t feel like such a stranger. So many people that you don’t know are thinking of you and your family, and it is very comforting to know that you are doing well.
Congratulations, and best wishes.
Glad to hear things are going well – my sister was born 26 years ago at 29 weeks and though the first two years or so were very long,but she’s been very healthy since!
Thank you for sharing such an emotional and private experience. It’s wonderful that Layla survived and you did, too. Truly, giving birth, is a miracle. This certainly opens my eyes to the fact that pregnancy can be dangerous. I hope you all are well.
When you are feeling better – read “Half Baked” by Alexa Stevenson. You are not alone.
Jessica, I have been a long time fan or your work, and have followed your career as you wrote about getting married. Recently, I haven’t been able to keep up with the blogs, so I had no idea you were pregnant. I’m so sorry you had such a terrible time. I have some huge fears about ever being pregnant, ever. That is one of them…severe complications that no one can predict. Thank you for sharing your story with us, as hard as that might have been. Sometimes, the hardest stories to share are the ones that touch the most lives. Thanks again for just being who you are. Take care.
Jessica,
Congratulations on the birth of your daughter. Obviously, she’s a strong one,…and so are you and your husband. We also had an early birth of our first child – - 24-weeks and 1.2 lbs after a midnight medivac from Zambia to South Africa where she was born. Our daughter stayed in the NICU there for 16-weeks and endured more ups and downs than I care to remember now. Many of the feelings and changes you articulated are familiar and we’ve never fully been able to grasp the significance of them for our lives. But our daughter is now 5 and against all odds, she’s tracking her peers in every way – - as a result, the loss and pain subsides with time. I wish you the same fortune.
Although we’re from the US, we continue to live in Africa and both my wife and I remain active in Maternal and Child Health Issues and Family Planning issues. Most people in the world do not have access to the same outcome we did….thanks for sharing your story.
Inspiring, uplifting, and truly a beautiful essay arose out of trauma. So glad to hear your on the mend, and writing again. We all know that Layla gets her strength and determination from two awesome feminist parents, Here is wishing that she is home soon, and that you quickly settle into a this new kind of wonderful that is life! Keep writing, it’s the best therapy there is!
I am so glad to hear that you are all doing well now! What an incredible story.
I had pre-eclampsia with both my children. My first son was born at 40 weeks with the mag/pitocin thing (ugh). I was put on bed rest at 37 weeks, and I thought that was pretty silly. I felt fine, why should I lay down so much? What was the big deal? In the meantime, my boss was giving me crap about being out of work early (even with a medical certifcate from the doctor). I was lucky that I got to carry him full term, but I wasn’t dilated at 40 weeks (I guess he was comfy where he was) and so the labor/delivery took 2-1/2 days while they tried to “get things going”. It was hardly the birth experience I had wanted and my recovery was rough. I had no idea at the time how much danger he or I were in, because other than being really swollen I felt fine. Its really an insidious condition that way, you just don’t feel sick until danger is really imminent. With my 2nd son, I was induced at 37 weeks due to other reasons (very low amniotic fluid), and I had been monitored for pre-eclampsia but had never developed the symptoms. So I figured I had dodged that bullet. My 2nd son had a different father, and there is some research (or so I was told at the time) that paternity is a factor in pre-eclampsia. Anyhow, I had a marvelous and quick labor delivery with 2nd son, and was sent home with him within 36 hours. The only blip was that in the maternity ward, I had one blood pressure screen that was a little high. Otherwise, I felt great, and took my baby and went home.
After one night at home, the lactation specialist called and said that she had an opening for me that day, could I come in? My husband was going back to the hospital to sort out some paperwork, so I agreed. Couldn’t hurt, right? We had a lovely consultation, and she asked me how I was doing. I felt great (and I did!!) except I had a headache, but I said that was probably from lack of sleep. She sent me over to the OB/GYN clinic “just to be sure”.
Thank goodness she did because they took my blood pressure over there and it literally set off an alarm on the BP machine. It was through the roof. They literally took the baby out of my arms because tehy were afraid at any moment I might stroke out and drop him. I was put in the ICU and put on the mag drip and catheterized and all other manner of invasive whatever. I had what is known as post-partum pre-eclampsia. I had to be sedated, I was so upset my baby was home with my husband and I was medicated and in the ICU. It was a little touch and go there for awhile, but we all finally got home. My BP has never returned to normal, I have had to take BP meds every since (he is 8 now, and I am 44 so I’d probably be on them now anyhow, who knows). But other than those two pregnancies my BP had always been very text book.
Some days I am jealous of women who have these fabulous mid-wife natural birth stories to tell. Other days, I am thankful that I know just how precious life is. I have never been as naive since those two experiences. I don’t take a lot for granted. I lost a lot of innocence, I guess, going through the potential lose of my children, and my own life. It shapes you.
Sorry to ramble, I am very glad you and your family are doing well and htat you are bringing attention to this medical condition.
hi – i had a similiar situation with my first daughter who is now 3. I went on to have another baby full term with no complications. Feel free to contact me if would like to know more about subsequent pregnancies.
This was very touching and inspiring!
You and Layla are both very strong women!
Btw I really love your novel He’s a stud, She’s a Slut!
finally someone I could relate too!
You Rock!
I’ve been so absent from the online world lately! I’m so glad to know that you and Layla are both healthy. I’m also sorry that you had to go through something so trying. You’re incredibly strong, and I know you’ll carry that on and teach Layla the same strength. Sending all my happy thoughts your way!
Thank you for sharing this, by the way. I know it must not have been easy, no matter what degree of detail is used. I hope everything looks up from here on out!
Lots of love <3
Thank you, Jessica, for sharing this story (posted, I see, on my own birthday) – another of the many ways you have helped make the world a better place for my own children as well as yours.
I had HELLP at the end of my second pregnancy and it was the scariest experience of my life. Thankfully, in the end we were all fine, and more appreciative of both the miracle that is modern medicine (for all its faults) and what all that verbiage about “the health of the mother” really entails. FWIW, my two subsequent OBs have told me that the risk of having HELLP again is only slightly higher than normal – I’ve had one subsequent normal pregnancy/birth so far and am in the middle of another, so, fingers crossed.
I wish you, Andrew, and little Layla abundant health, relentless courage, and limitless love as you walk this new path together.
Thank you I feel justified in my emotions now I’m 26 w 3 beautiful children. I was induced @36 wks w my youngest the doctors thought he was an IUGR baby after delivering a 4.7 pound HEALTHY baby boy the couldn’t deliver the placenta I ended up passing out on the way to the IT due to blood loss woke up before they started surgery for a minute if that. The next time I remember is waking up in ICU I had a partial hysterectomy due to placenta accreta an EXTREMELY rare condition esp because I had no reason to get it but it was a life changing event but it seemed like noone understood what I was going through immediately after & still til this day he’ll be one Oct 22. Reading your blog let me know that I’m not alone in the way I feel.
Thank you & Congratulations on your baby
Jessica,
Congratulations on the birth of your baby girl. As I’m sure you’ve realized from your comments, you are NOT alone. I had severe pre-eclampsia and HELLP Syndrome with my first son, born at 35 weeks. My husband and I were on the fence as to whether or not we’d have more children when we found out that our method of birth control failed and we were pregnant with our second. I realized a new kind of terror the day I found out I was pregnant with our Elijah–not because I didn’t want another baby, but because I couldn’t bear the thought of leaving the one I already had. We made an appointment with a perinatologist/maternal fetal medicine specialist (high risk OB) who assured us that not only was the pregnancy doable, the odds were in our favor. My risk of developing HELLP was slightly higher than it would have been had I not developed it to begin with, and my risk for pre-eclampsia, was about 20%.
I developed pregnancy-induced hypertension with Elijah at around 30 weeks and began a modified bed rest, but I never did develop pre-eclampsia or HELLP again. My second son was born completely healthy, weighing a whopping 11 pounds, 10 ounces (and no, I did not have gestational diabetes!).
I wish you nothing but the best. If you’d like to communicate with other women who have experienced this, try the high-risk pregnancy message board on thebump.com. The information and support I gained there was invaluable.
This piece has brought me to tears and I’ll be the first one to admit I’m not a crier. Sending you and your family positive vibes throughout your “new” journey.
I too had a pre-eclampsia and HELLP syndrome with my first son. I remember the mag sulfate (ugh!), and my OB/GYN thinking my liver was going to fall apart in her hands during the C-section surgery. My son was born at 37 weeks – not technically premature – but small, with a number of birth defects We stayed in the NICU and had multiple surgeries – with many hospitalizations throughout his early years. He is now 16 years old, and perhaps the most remarkable human I know. Bright, funny, compassionate, kind and undeniably handsome.
But what I really want you to know is that I went on to have another son 4 years later. He was full term, healthy and came into the world via vaginal delivery weighing more than 8 lbs. Although I was carefully monitored and considered to have a high-risk pregnancy – I did not have pre-eclampsia or HELLP syndrome with my second pregnancy, and – except for a baby aspirin once a day as a precaution against pregnancy-induced hypertension – I had no unusual treatment. It was a healthy pregnancy, and a normal delivery, He’s 12 years old now, and every bit as amazing as his older brother.
Best of luck to you and your new family!
Jessica,
I could really relate to your “new normal” explanation. A few years ago, I was raped and it took until quite recently for me to talk about it. I became an activist in my university and joined a great group of women dedicated to activism against rape/sexual assault/intimate partner violence.
However, I recently began dating a young man (rather seriously) and the two of us dealing with PTSD and all the other aftermath has really been getting to me (it’s the first time I’ve been completely honest about the rape with a significant other). Then, I read this and realized that this is my new normal. I would love to have it differently but I can’t. And while I wasn’t raped for any spiritual reason or bullshit like that, I am getting to closer to accepting my new normal. I cannot change what happened, but I can accept that I lived through all of this and I still have a beautiful life full of kicking ass. Thank you for your words! They touched my heart in a way I was not expecting.
I’m glad to hear you, Andrew, and Layla are doing well. What a loving and tolerant environment for a child to grow in. I wish you and your family well!
I had my first child at 35 weeks due to preeclampsia and HELLP syndrome. We were extremely fortunate in that she was big for her gestational age at 6 lb 6 oz and her only issues were sleepiness due to her prematurity. It took her about 10 days to figure out how to breastfeed and now at nearly 14 years old she is my beautiful shining star! I went on to VBAC her beautiful brother at 38 weeks. Ironically, the kid who was early has had no issues and my full term boy has dyslexia! They both give me joy and I hope give you hope to have another! The best gift you can give your child is a sibling.
I too had sudden onset preeclampsia. I am actually a physician, and in my fourth year of residency, I became pregnant. I was going to work as normal, slogging out the 60-80h weeks, and chalking up my exhaustion to overwork in pregnancy. Then, in my 28th week, I was just TOO tired. I took my own blood pressure at work, and then walked to the women’s clinic and dipped my own urine, which showed a large amount of protein. I called my doctor who sent me to labor and delivery. Either because I was suppressing what this might mean, or because I forgot all the OB I learned in med school, I assumed they would watch me for a couple of days or maybe put me on bedrest. Like you, my BP kept going up, up, up, despite the meds. Magnesium is AWFUL, I hate it. I’ll never take it in stride when my patients complain about med side effects again. They started steroid shots that night, and as soon as they were complete, they tried to induce me. My son did not tolerate induction, and we went to emergency C-Section at 29 weeks also. He spent 9 weeks in the NICU. That too was terrible. He was put on CPAP for a couple of days, but ended up on the vent twice after terrible bouts of infection. He had early NEC, and bouts of feeding intolerance. Three PICC lines. The doctors were amazing, with the exception of one guy. The RNs were either amazing or awful (it was weird how they were either good or bad, but rarely in the middle). He finally came home at 5 lbs 10 oz. (born at 2 lbs 6 oz). He is now three and a half, and truly amazing and fun to be around. He is smart and verbal and funny and loving. As one of the other posters alluded to, I think preemies are showered with so much attention, that they develop some skills better than term babies! But, he has trouble with social interaction (mostly just shy–he doesn’t get that he’s a kid), some very mild gross motor skill delay, and also some sensory integration issues. I consider ourselves very lucky!
I am currently 22 weeks pregnant, and quite terrified. We are hoping for a better outcome, but of course, these next 10 weeks or so are our scary window. Keeping our fingers crossed for now. I know that what you are going through feels like a never-ending marathon. It took us about 2 years to relax a little. Our son is now in preschool, and he is is OK! Yes, he has colds and stuff, but I try to take it in stride. Now, at three, we are truly moving beyond the trauma of prematurity. It is a new normal, but one you’ll be able to deal with. Good luck.
Dear Jessica,
Congratulations on the birth of Laila (what a beautiful name), and am sre she will grow up into a resilient, powerful and compassionate woman.
Your piece is truely inspiring and I am definitely going to share it with friends on fb. It is so generous of you to share your experience and feelings, and I very much appreciate your support for maternal and child health in places with high maternal mortality. Imagine what would happen in places where there is no or limited access to antenatal care or to emergency obestetric and neonatal care.
best regards
nada
all the best to you and your family
Jessica,
Just saw this and wanted to congratulate you and Andrew on the birth of your daughter!! Layla is such a beautiful name. We will be praying for Layla and you and Andrew. You have been through a lot, and just wanted to let you know we are thinking about you.
Dear Jessica,
I really hope, you are all doing fine and that your new reality has turned out to be a good one for you and your family. And I also hope, your sadness that Layla might be your only child despite all dreams and expectations of having a big or at least bigger family, is not as present and stinging anymore.
Keep up your wonderful inspiring work which is needed so badly by feminists all over the world!
Hi Jessica,
I haven’t waded in the feminist blogosphere for awhile, so I just heard about this. It broke my heart, but I’m so happy to hear you and your baby survived. My mother was born a preemie at a time when medical care wasn’t as advanced as it is now for early births. What the second commenter said about preemies being more intelligent is absolutely true in our family’s case; my mother is much more intelligent than her four (above-average) siblings who had complication-free births. She is more sensitive than any of them are, but that isn’t necessarily because of being prematurely born, and besides, I think that’s one of her grand assets that I admire. She is so supremely empathetic and considerate of other people as a result.
Good luck!
wow. you’re amazing! I wish you and your family good health.. stay strong!
Hope all is well and your family is doing well….I have also had two Hellp pregnancies. The second being more severe than the first. My daughter Sadie was born at 27 weeks and was 1 pound 13 oz. She spent 114 days in the NICU and like you we had a very bumpy ride. She is now 15 months old and so far there are few complications from her early arrival. Like you I also feel that this experience has changed me in ways that no one can ever understand. Thank you for your blog on this subject almost like you were in my head.
Amazing. My experience with my little man is so similar. Pre-eclamppsia, HELLP, at 29 weeks to the day. My Tristan came home after 8 weeks, or as I count them, 62 long, long days. I was so confused after his birth that I demanded they PUT HIM BACK, and insisted that we had made the wrong choice. It still frustrates me more than I can say that there was absolutely nothing I could do to prevent it – to protect my son. We’re coming up on his first birthday, and the pain of it seems to be coming back, even though he’s a wonderful, beautiful, lively child.
Thanks for sharing your story. I get so emotional when I read that people have been through such similar things to me. I cannot share my thoughts and emotions with my family and friends as no one has been through it and no one can truely understand unless have been through it. I had HELLP with my first born. He was delivered 2 weeks early. Had been in agony for 2 weeks and after numerous tests no one knew what was wrong. My anaethtist saved my life as he recognised my symptoms. I was in a really bad way and was in intensive care for 5 days. I was unlucky to then get HELLP with my 2nd child. My beautiful baby girl was born 2 months early. On top of trying to recover from HELLP again I had to deal with a tiny baby in the Special care nursery . I am an emotional wreck after going through this deadly disease twice and can no longer have any more children which in itself is very very hard to deal with. HELLP and 2 traumatic births has completely stuffed my health and body up and my emotional state. I just wish there was more information out there on it to help families and support for the people who have gone through it. It lives with you forever. Strength to all the people who have been affected by HELLP and who have lived to fight another day. x