This weekend, I had a piece published in The Washington Post (woot!), “For women in America, equality is still an illusion.” The headline is pretty self-explanatory; it’s a column about how pervasive misogyny in America still is and how we need to open our eyes to that reality.
I am incredibly happy to see that it has struck a cord with people – it’s being promoted a ton on social network sites (shared over 1500 times and counting on Facebook!) and I’ve gotten more emails about this column than any other I’ve written. But what I find most intriguing is the comments section. It’s filled with men furiously denying that sexism exists by…well, being sexist. (Seriously, guys – you’re not doing your argument any favors when you call me ‘hysterical’ or ‘whiny.’)
Take observer777, who wrote:
MAFIA, Men Against Feminist’s In America is taking applications. We must counter the lies of the NOW, NARAL and Planned UnParents in the Hoods adherents. Women have become the spoiled class of liars…I have served globally and can say with authority that U.S. females are becoming a threat that will have to be dealt with legislatively if the record is to be set straight. Unfeminine feminist’s are liars; Jessica is your typical VICTIM. Sickening dribble from a fem spoiled liar.
Or jackolantyrn356:
I believe that American Women are either the most pampered little Spoiled Brats Any place they would be beheaded for wearing a Bikini as happened in North Africa…American Women have their eyes open right now.
And jmm2, with my favorite:
From my perspective no one in our society has had an easier ride than these upper middle class women who proclaim the terrible victimhood (sic) of getting everything they ever wanted without having to earn it. Please stop the whining you pampered poodles.
The “spoiled” argument is one I particularly enjoy. Yes, American women are so fucking fortunate that men deign to let us live (sometimes) and that we only have to deal with rape, violence, murder, economic injustice, reproductive limitations, legislatively-enforced discrimination, systematic racism and so on and so forth. Don’t you feel lucky?!
But the majority of comments were of the basic “what about the menz” variety:
puma80 wrote:
Question: Which group has even less human/civil rights than Saudi Women?
Answer: Divorced American Men.
No comment necessary.
patrick3 wrote:
Jessica Valenti is a misandrist.
The only kind of person who thinks hating sexism is the same thing as hating men is someone who thinks being a man is dependent on being sexist. But I digress…
jabbog48152 wrote:
The issue isn’t Jessica Valenti’s own mind-boggling sexism. It is that the Washington Post would NEVER allow a man to say comparable things about the burdens of men and the privileges of women. Men do not get equal press time at the Post. That’s the issue.
Yes, certainly the issue is that WaPo doesn’t have enough male voices. Wah! Please. As irritating as it can be to read comments like these, they prove a valuable point: Sexism is not only alive and well; it’s angry. These comments are not taking issue with my article with a “well, I don’t really agree women have it that bad” kind of argument. They’re furious and they’re hateful. And they’re an excellent reminder for why feminist work is so important.
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13 Comments
The piece was wonderful, Jessica. I attempted to read the comments, hoping that the good ones would outweigh the bad, but at the time (this was…yesterday I think, when you tweeted about it) right off the bat there was a nearly-screen-length rant from an MRA about the “myths” of feminism in which he was disproving (you know, in his feeble little mind) stats such as 1 in 4 women being sexually assaulted. I got through a few more, some of which mirrored what you’ve quoted above, and was like…no, I can’t do this. I can’t listen to these jerks who absolutely refuse to believe the truth just because it might mean something bad is happening to someone other than them.
I will never understand their viewpoint. Why are they so against the idea that women suffer? Because they can’t stand the thought of having empathy for anyone other than straight white (cis, able-bodied, and often Christian) men? Dang…talk about sociopathic.
But anyway – thank you so much for writing it, Jessica. And I suppose thanks to the commenters for being Exhibits 1 – Infinity.
Not surprising. Sexists tend to get angry and defensive when sexism in America is acknowledged.
All that hate means you struck a chord. Which means you are doing your job. I think I’d be more concerned if the idiots DIDN’T come out and make douchebags of themselves.
Your Washington Post article was well-written and an excellent jumping-off point for people who want to learn more so they can do more. I regret that I share a species with many of the commenters, who as you allude to here, seemed to be hell-bent on proving you right in their attempts to prove you wrong.
hi jessica,
i was in borders for about an hour reading chapters of “the purity myth” just now.. one thing i was thinking about while driving home was where all of this misogyny really came from.
i doubt that it has “always been there”. obviously since the biblical age… and i know that a lot of BC philosophers were misogynists. but i don’t know a lot about cultures prior to these. i would really like to understand what generated it and what causes it still other than just being taught from generation to generation.
it doesnt make sense to me. why does being feminine mean being less valuable and weak; that you are meant to “submit to” all things male? because we are physically smaller in size.. this means we are worth less? we can do so many things that men are physically unable to; why aren’t our traits hailed and bowed down to?
a huge realization i had while reading your book is that homophobia is directly related to misogyny in a lot of ways. many men say “i dont care if women are lesbians, thats hot! but for men its just wrong”.
religion/homophobia/misogyny/conservative party all blend into one thing: a desperate need to shun and control all things “feminine”. why is this? fear is an enormous part of christianity, i think it also coincides with fear of women. i think we are very powerful in many ways, not sure how “strength” only pertains to body size and ability to “not feel or care”.
i think a lot of the hate that men have towards women is the fact that they feel a sense of entitlement to our vaginas, they want something (sex) and they are afraid/angry that they cant just obtain it. this leads to a gigantic spiraling out of control which ends with us being controlled in so many ways both on macro and micro levels.
i don’t really know. i want to do more research. i’m really happy to have discovered your book and blog in the meantime.
ps. i am aware i didn’t say anything specifically about this entry and just spiraled off into my own big comment. but i did read it!
You’ve struck a chord, Jessica…the response on WaPo illustrates the fact that those for whom misogyny is a lifestyle are seriously threatened by your calling them out. I have visions of 16 year old boys typing those responses (though I know that some of those commenters are easily twice that age) because they’re scared–they’ve been raised to believe they are entitled to be the ‘stronger’ gender to our ‘weaker’ one. You’ve turned that notion on its head, over and over again through the years.
Keep up the excellent work! You have such a tremendous impact on the young women who read your writing–I look forward to the day my own daughter is at an age where she will benefit from reading your work.
Just a thought, Jessica – why not put the link to the Feminism 101 website up on articles like these? It would pre-empt a lot of crap that follows in the comments, and could prevent the discussion from being derailed.
Thanks for the comments and support, y’all!
@Sunil Sadly, when I’m writing for a place like WaPo or a publication as opposed to my own blog, I don’t have the freedom to post links like that.
FYI – the comments at the WashPost are ALWAY toxic. Regardless of topic or columnist, the comments are just vile and mostly free of honest debate or insight. It’s the natural conclusion of giving people a soap box and perfect anonymity. It’s pretty depressing. Most columnists freely admit to never, ever looking at the comments section. I’m not trying to diminish the implications of all of the anti-feminist rhetoric, just wanted say…I don’t know….everyone gets hated on so don’t feel too bad? Which is, admittedly, pretty weak.
All that aside, I hope you get an opportunity to put THIS essay in wide circulation. If any readers had doubts after your first column, the horrific sentiments absolutely prove the need for feminism in America.
I loved the article. It offered straight FACTS about rape and other violence and discimination against American women, but I guess suggesting that rape and violence are not okay is sexist against those pitiable male rapists and murderers. lolsob.
These commenters are not living in reality but under a rock of willful self-delusion and hatred. I think the reason jmm2 can’t comprehend why “upper middle class women,”* who have privilege that may help them escape some violence and discrimination, should care about violence and discrimination is that he has probably never cared about a single other human being in his entire life.
*Also, is he saying Jessica Valenti = upper middle class woman, most feminists = upper middle class women, or all Americans = upper middle class (FFS…)?
Loved the article and certainly found nothing controversial about it (how could anyone?). I ended up writing a response to one of the commenters and probably wrote a little too much, but I just felt so… indignant. Gah! They make me so upset.
Jessica, I grew up very sheltered and in a very conservative home. I am now 17 and my teacher handed me your book, I was like, “Wow, thanks…it’s feminist’s book, thanks?” She smiled at me and walked away, as if to say, “Just you wait.” As I opened the book and started reading I became oblivious to the world around me, I walked with my head buried in it. It is so beautifully written and it has such power. I started reading it at 10 o’clock this morning and just finished about an hour ago. It touched me deeply, and I have to say, my mind was changed about a lot of things. I was one of those girls who thought, “This is how its supposed to be, we are the lesser being, we are weak.” After the first page of your book “Full Frontal Feminism” I was angry and frustrated. I had never quite felt like that about anything political. I am very easy going and tend to go with the flow. But now? Now, I don’t want to, I want to yell, I want to get all my girlfriends to read it and realize how much this sucks. We need to be treated equally. So, I found this website about 20 minutes ago, but when I got to this particular blog I had to write something.
The sexist, Republicans out there need to see that there is more to life than their picket white fences and 2.4 kids. Their are women suffering, being raped, abused and mistreated all around them, their are people who are told that its wrong to love the person they are in love with, that if you don’t want children you’re a defective. People need to open their eyes and see that, even though we may not suffer nearly as bad as women in some cultures, it doesn’t make our suffering any less real. Sure, we can now vote, and hold property. That’s great, but there has to be more. My favorite movie of all time seems to be one you would particularly enjoy, Mona Lisa Smile. Of course it is about a teacher, a liberal WOMAN teacher, moving to Mass. in the fifties to teach at the most conservative and prestigious woman’s college in America, and her effect there. Julia Roberts is equal to you in this film, if you haven’t seem it, which I’m sure you have, you must. you will appreciate it and it will resonate with you. Thank you for everything you do on a daily basis to make America more like what it was truly meant for: Equality among all. That includes, women, gays, people of color, children and more.
What the neanderthals who’s comments were posted and responded to by Valenti don’t understand is that feminism does not inherently belittle males. In fact, eliminating traditional gender roles and sexist stereo types helps men as well as women. In this way, you could really deem feminists as human rights activists.